Love and finances

You may have date nights and movie nights with your partner, so why not make a money night? Having an open and honest approach to your finances in your relationship with your partner is important, said LeeAnn Wade, financial planner at BOK Financial^®.

That means setting aside time to talk.

Knowing upfront your partner’s financial situation and well-being should be part of your decision-making process when committing to a relationship, she suggests. You have to be honest with yourself that your partner may, at some point, need financial help. Additionally, if you marry, it could impact your financial co-mingling, financing options, income taxes and ability to have enough saved for retirement or an emergency.

"Transparency regarding finances is essential in any long-term partnership," said Wade.

After all, entering a committed relationship, especially a marriage, is about more than just fun times; it's about taking on responsibilities together, such as paying a mortgage or rent, bills and household maintenance costs. If you don't know your partner's financial situation, you may not know whether you can depend on them financially if something serious should happen to you or them, such as a job loss or illness.

"If you really love someone, you don't want to leave them in a financial hardship if you get sick, disabled, or, even pass away," Wade said. "I know it's very difficult to think about, but you need to consider how much the household is relying on you and your income to pay the bills, maintain your lifestyle and meet future needs."

Financial disagreements
Financial issues are a common source of disagreement in many partnerships.

According to a recent survey by Orion:

• 27% of partners in a relationship had a disagreement about money at least monthly.
• 32% said financial matters are a source of stress.
• 49% said that dishonesty about money is a form of infidelity.

6 tips for managing finances in a relationship
Building up healthy financial habits can take some work. Wade offers six tips for both members of the relationship to consider:

1. Open up. "I believe in being fully transparent about finances before entering into marriage," Wade said suggesting sharing information regarding income, assets, financial obligations and credit reports. You should also share your money attitudes and values as well as financial goals. "I hear way too often of couples hiding financial behaviors from each other. Openness and honesty should be the foundation of your financial life as a couple."

    

2. Share the load. "Nobody gets a free ride," Wade said. Even if one of you is better at numbers, you both need to have a handle on all aspects of the household, so pay bills, balance the books and discuss financial decisions together.

   "Think of your financial fitness like your physical fitness," Wade suggests. "Having a fit partner doesn't make you fit. You each need to take responsibility for your own physical and financial fitness."

    

3. Play the long game. Long-term goals and plans to achieve those targets are just as important as day-to-day matters. "You may be handling your cash flow and paying your bills every month, but if you're not making progress toward long-term goals, too, you're just treading water," Wade said.

    

4. Allow for the bumps in the road. Life happens, circumstances change and plans must be altered. Address challenges as they arise and be realistic in how you respond, she recommends. The loss of a job or a forced early retirement can, and will, impact your long-term goals. It's best to determine how much and make a course correction as early as possible.

    

5. Allow for individuality. Healthy finances for a couple may include separate spending accounts and retirement savings. "It's not about hiding something. It's about 'I have my stuff, you have your stuff and we have our stuff together,'" Wade said.

    

6. Accountability, accountability, accountability. Periodic check-ins allow a couple to ensure they're still on track with income, spending and savings.

In addition, it reinforces the transparency so either of you can see if something's going awry and make adjustments. 

Never too early to start
To give your relationship a solid financial foundation, start the discussions early. Wade suggested that you dig into the matter once you sense the relationship is getting serious.

"If you discover signs of irresponsible behavior such as a poor credit score or an abundance of debt, it may impact whether you want to tie the knot now, wait until they get their financial life in order, or even walk away," she said.

And don't be afraid to pull in a third party such as a relationship counselor, financial counselor or financial advisor. The objective viewpoint can help each of you unpack your unique perspectives on finances, Wade said, as well as build the foundation for the future.